Fred
by doxy-phobic lycanthrope
Summary: In which George is hearing voices, and Harry loses his mind. Rated T for language and alcohol consumption.
Harry felt like crap.

It had been almost three weeks since the end of the war, and he hadn't slept through the night once. The Weasley family was a mess. George rarely came out of his room, everyone else was moody, and Mrs. Weasley kept breaking down in tears over tiny things. Ron and Hermione had left for Australia a few days before to retrieve Hermione's parents. That meant for now, the only person around that Harry had any desire to talk to was Ginny, but even she wasn't herself. The two of them seemed to be cycling between the euphoria of being back together and horror at all the things that had happened in the past year.

Today he had been attending meetings at the Ministry. It had been tense to say the least. He had been asked to testify in a hearing on retribution against Death Eater families, but for the number of times various officials had said that they "value his input", very few of them seemed to actually care about his opinion. As soon as the hearing was over for the day, he had apparated to the Hog's Head to ease his headache with a glass of fire whiskey. The Hog's Head, he had found, was the only place he could come without being bombarded by reporters and admirers. He suspected Aberforth was to thank for that.

He was sitting at the bar, staring at the bottom of his empty glass, contemplating ordering another when her heard someone put out the bar stool next to him. Aberforth walked over, and Harry was about to look up and ask for another drink when a familiar voice next to him said, "I'll have whatever he's drinking."

Harry looked over, surprised. "George?" he said. "What are you doing here?"

The red-head turned and looked of mild surprise. "Me?" he asked airily. "Oh, just having myself a drink." He held up the glass Aberforth had just passed him. "It's been a while, you know."

Harry looked back down at his glass for a minute, not sure if he had the energy to muster a conversation. Suddenly, he looked back up. "George?" The other man looked at him, eyebrows raised, and Harry craned his neck around to look at the other side of George's head. "George, you have both of your ears," he said curiously.

The other man smiled wryly. "No, Harry. George only has one ear."

The enormity of that statement took a moment to build in Harry's mind. When it did, he was immediately on his feet, knocking the bar stool to the ground.

"No, what- wh-…" Harry stammered, but no words would come out. Finally he managed to yell, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" The red-haired man was still smiling silently. Harry backed away, pulling out his wand. "You can't… your supposed to be… YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" Harry's heart was thumping in his throat so strongly that he could barely breath. He turned wildly to look at a wizard at the neared table. "CAN YOU SEE HIM? CAN YOU?" The wizard looked bewildered and slipped his hand into the pocket of his robes as Harry realized that he was still waving his own wand wildly about in his hand.

"Harry?" the red-haired man behind him said cautiously.

Harry turned back to him, "NO, NO, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? HOW THE HELL ARE YOU…"

He suddenly realized that that the red-head was cracking up with laughter. "Goodness, Potter, the look on your face…" The man reached up with one hand and detached his left ear from the side of his face. "That was priceless…" he wheezed, his face turning red from laughing.

Harry was struck speechless again for about two seconds, and then, "WHAT THE HELL!? WHAT THE F-ING HELL WERE YOU… ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"Oh, come on, Potter, I needed a laugh. Hey, Ab," he called, "Can you get us another round of drinks? I think Harry needs one."

As Aberforth brought two new glasses, Harry sank back onto his barstool. "Seriously?" He said weakly.

"Don't look at me, it wasn't my idea." George said. When Harry looked at him confused, he continued, "This morning, I was sitting in my bedroom as usual, when all of a sudden, I heard this voice it the back of my head, and it said to me, 'Hey, little bro, you've been moping about long enough. You gotta get back out there.' And I said, 'Well, what should I do?' And the voice said, 'I got an idea. Why don't you get a prosthetic ear so you disguise yourself as me and go scare the shit out of someone.' And I mean, could I really say no at that point?"

"A voice told you to?"

"Yeah," said George simply, "so you can see, I had no choice."

Harry snorted and within second both he and George were laughing hysterically over their glasses.

"Oh, goodness, Potter, I needed this."

"Yeah, yeah, but why me? Of all the people, did you have to pick me? You almost gave me a heart attack."

"Eh, I knew you'd be a good sport about it." George snorted, "And you seriously should have seen the look on your face."

Harry chuckled lightly and rubbed his temples. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Harry spoke again. "Hey, George?"

"Yep?"

"Are you gonna use that one on Ron when he gets back from Australia?"

"Absolutely."

"Can I watch?"

"Sure thing."

* * *

So what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Appalled at my sense of humor? Please tell me in a comment. Thanks for reading.


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